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What if the prospect of finding an ever-more-compatible mate with the click of a mouse means a future of relationship instability, in which we keep chasing the elusive rabbit around the dating track?Of course, no one knows exactly how many partnerships are undermined by the allure of the Internet dating pool.He’d never imagined that so many single people were out there.“I’m about 95 percent certain,” he says, “that if I’d met Rachel offline, and if I’d never done online dating, I would’ve married her.Although a younger girlfriend bought him some time, biologically speaking, it also alienated him from his friends, who could understand the physical attraction but couldn’t really relate to Rachel.In the past, Jacob had always been the kind of guy who didn’t break up well. His desire to be with someone, to not have to go looking again, had always trumped whatever doubts he’d had about the person he was with. “I feel like I underwent a fairly radical change thanks to online dating,” Jacob says.

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What if it raises the bar for a good relationship too high?Whatever the flaws in their relationship, he told himself, being with her was better than being single in Portland again. Now in his early 30s, Jacob felt he had no idea how to make a relationship work. Would permanence simply happen, or would he have to choose it? All of a sudden I was going out with one or two very pretty, ambitious women a week. They dated for a few months, and then she moved in.Around this time, he signed up for two online dating sites: Match.com, a paid site, because he’d seen the TV ads; and Plenty of Fish, a free site he’d heard about around town. At first I just thought it was some kind of weird lucky streak.” After six weeks, Jacob met a 22-year-old named Rachel, whose youth and good looks he says reinvigorated him. (Both names have been changed for anonymity.) Rachel didn’t mind Jacob’s sports addiction, and enjoyed going to concerts with him. She was from a blue-collar military background; he came from doctors.Jacob was single for two years and then, at 26, began dating a slightly older woman who soon moved in with him.



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